The Bloodhound Gang - 'The Bad Touch'

September 23, 2011 | |

Today, a friend of mine who is gainfully employed and therefore sits on his ass staring at computer all day sent me one of those chain emails that I swear went out of fashion with Y2K, entitled "FW:Growing up in Australia in the 90's... So many memories!" Being unemployed, I thought it fitting that I should read such a document from start to finish and was amazed at how some seemingly unconnected person of my age would have shared so many of my experiences. Things like "You thought everyone in America carried a gun and you never wanted to go there because you were scared you'd get shot" - I totally thought that, through to the more obscure, but completely legitimate problems of the day, "Playing GoldenEye on the Nintendo 64 and arguing over whether Oddjob was allowed to be used in multiplayer." I, for one, still use Oddjob even though he's the shortest motherfucker alive (nay, shorter than the shortest motherfucker alive) but I have honest to god had so many fights about this that I usually just go for James Bond and then blast everyone's head off with an RCP-90. Yeah, I'm in my 20s and I still have a Nintendo 64. Wanna come over and play? You can be Player 3. But the real problem with this chain email, arguably constructed by someone who also has 34,563 friends on Facebook all of whom are called 'Robbo', 'Thommo' or -gasp- 'Johnno' is that it forgot how, at the tail-end of the nineties, incredibly cringeworthy foreign music managed to make such a huge mark on our everyday lives. And this leads us to The Bloodhound Gang, a band who have released many albums and even more singles and I couldn't really care less unless you stop me in the street and start singing "You and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals..."Damn straight I thought sex was funny when I was eleven. So did my friend (who incidentally shares my brother's first name) who sent me this FW love. "Let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel?" Really? I still dont have Cable, I've still never watched the Discovery channel and this song still cracks me up. How incredibly tasteless. How utterly devoid of anything remotely useful... other than that propulsive disco beat, terrible synth horns in the chorus and more innuendos than I've managed to come up with in my entire life. Listening to this song now, as I naturally did while reading said FW (really, who leaves the 'FW:' in the subject line anymore?) missive, is like watching an episode of The Simpsons when you were ten and then watching it again at eighteen; you suddenly get all the jokes. Sure, I got the general grasp of the rudimentary philosophy of "Put your hands/down my pants/and I bet you'll feel nuts." But it's the complex theoretical considerations that really make this a landmark of popular culture. "You'll Lovett just like Lyle?" Amazing. "Let me be Pacific/I wanna be down in your South Seas?" Pun-tastic. This is quality stuff. There are comedians who could retire on this shit. Turns out the '90s really were rad.I've been having constant debates with other music journos over what we like to call 'The Sliding Scale Of Crap Music'. As in, there's good crap and bad crap, and how one determines that is almost always based on their upbringing. So for the Seidler house, 'good crap' entails Spice Girls, that Coco Jambo song and any number of one hit wonders by dudes like Eagle Eye Cherry, while 'bad crap' is usually extended to the likes of Ke$ha, any time you hear Swizz Beatz rapping and almost everything recorded by Lionel Ritchie after The Commodores. After reveling in the nuances of The Bloodhound Gang's magnum opus, I'd say they're a dead ringer for the 'good crap' category, that I'd still prefer to hear this song at a bar in ten years over Jason DeRulo and that I have not matured at all since losing my virginity, or possibly even before this event. But can you really blame me? I'm the guy who still has a Nintendo 64 in his house. The Bloodhound Gang - 'The Bad Touch'I shit you not, there's a whole Facebook group devoted to people who use Oddjob in N64 here....

Tag: eagle-eye-cherry, goldeneye, kesha, nintendo-64, spice-girls, swizz-beatz, the-bloodhound-gang

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